My type of freedom

I am a nerd.  Between episodes of Doctor Who, Orphan Black, the Grand Tour, and viewing all things Harry Potter, I like to read about personality types (MBTI).  I am an INFJ and it fits me to a T.  I know people of pretty much all personality types and I like reading about how they think and feel to help me better understand them.

While reading about these types the other night, a few of the types had characteristics like “need to feel free.”  I thought we all want to feel free.  But I started to wonder if ‘freedom’ meant something different for different people.  Certainly, I have experienced a few times of “freedom,” some I do not much care for at all!

Some people may relish in having freedom to do what they want, when they want it.  This could mean heading on a spontaneous trip, heading to a store, playing video games, performing a hobby, etc., without having to check in with anyone else, ask, etc.  This sounds nice, yes, but not so much for me.  I may like being able to come and go, but I want someone to care, someone to want to be with me while I do it, or someone to make sure I get home okay.  I have found if I am in a relationship and my partner does not care where I am going, when I am going and what I am doing, I do not necessarily feel freedom.  I had a long-term relationship like this and I can honestly say that I felt trapped more than free.  I did not feel loved, but yet I loved my partner, creating this odd holding cell where I waited for any sign of affection.  To me, this “sense of freedom” was actually hurting me and not allowing me to reach my full potential.

My freedom looks very different.  I tend to be a bit more conservation in a lot of ways, even with my tattoo and sass.  🙂  I have a wild side, a streak of spontaneity, and a side of goofiness that I have to say I adore in myself.  However, I rarely let down my protective walls to be who I am deep down.  That is, unless I am in a relationship where I feel safe.  Once that foundation feels strong and steady, my walls come down and I am as free as I will ever be.  Once I feel loved, there is a security in that love that allows me to gain confidence and be who I am without worrying about other’s opinions.  That is when I am most free.

Odd how my being free is synonymous with being in a relationship while for others it is the opposite.



About Tired Little Birdie

Daydreaming is one of the best parts of my day, aside from running around with my mini-man. I am a single mom, a Ph.D., a teacher, a professional, a writer, a photographer, and generally a mess. Life is spontaneous and beautiful and heartbreaking and I am here writing about it all. Some days are more serious than others, but all in all, we are all just winging it through life.
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