I am a nerd. Between episodes of Doctor Who, Orphan Black, the Grand Tour, and viewing all things Harry Potter, I like to read about personality types (MBTI). I am an INFJ and it fits me to a T. I know people of pretty much all personality types and I like reading about how they think and feel to help me better understand them.
While reading about these types the other night, a few of the types had characteristics like “need to feel free.” I thought we all want to feel free. But I started to wonder if ‘freedom’ meant something different for different people. Certainly, I have experienced a few times of “freedom,” some I do not much care for at all!
Some people may relish in having freedom to do what they want, when they want it. This could mean heading on a spontaneous trip, heading to a store, playing video games, performing a hobby, etc., without having to check in with anyone else, ask, etc. This sounds nice, yes, but not so much for me. I may like being able to come and go, but I want someone to care, someone to want to be with me while I do it, or someone to make sure I get home okay. I have found if I am in a relationship and my partner does not care where I am going, when I am going and what I am doing, I do not necessarily feel freedom. I had a long-term relationship like this and I can honestly say that I felt trapped more than free. I did not feel loved, but yet I loved my partner, creating this odd holding cell where I waited for any sign of affection. To me, this “sense of freedom” was actually hurting me and not allowing me to reach my full potential.
My freedom looks very different. I tend to be a bit more conservation in a lot of ways, even with my tattoo and sass. 🙂 I have a wild side, a streak of spontaneity, and a side of goofiness that I have to say I adore in myself. However, I rarely let down my protective walls to be who I am deep down. That is, unless I am in a relationship where I feel safe. Once that foundation feels strong and steady, my walls come down and I am as free as I will ever be. Once I feel loved, there is a security in that love that allows me to gain confidence and be who I am without worrying about other’s opinions. That is when I am most free.
Odd how my being free is synonymous with being in a relationship while for others it is the opposite.